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Although telling someone you’re interested in can be intimidating, there are different ways to do it, and you might find one easier than the others.In the past, Carlson would put the herpes conversation on the table quickly.“I mostly thought, ‘I’m going to die alone, no one’s going to date me ever again,” she tells SELF.

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“This isn’t everyone’s experience, but when I started dating with herpes, I found out none of my partners cared.”Although she sees that it’s intriguing to potentially avoid attachment—and thus heartbreak—by telling someone right out the gate, she makes an excellent point in favor of taking your time: “Nobody tells you all of the things about themselves that you usually don’t find out for a bit, like they have really bad credit or they’re a horrible cook, until you get to know each other.” Of course, it’s different with a health condition you can pass to someone else, but it’s worth noting.

Although they tell potential partners at different points in the relationship, Carlson and Davis’ actual disclosure process is pretty similar.

“After I felt more comfortable with myself and the situation, I went on Bumble and started dating people in the more conventional way,” she says.

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